Thank You For Your Service to Our Country

Walking to my office last week I met a man wearing a hat proclaiming that he was a veteran of the Viet Nam war.  I stopped, looked him square in the eyes, and said, “Sir, Thank You For Your Service to Our Country.”  He thanked me, shook my hand vigorously, and noticing my law school sweatshirt asked me, “What kind of law do you do?”  I told him that I was a trial lawyer, that 40% of my cases involved representing victims of childhood sexual assault and the other 60% were medical malpractice, legal malpractice, and a variety of personal injury cases.

He then looked me square in the eyes, paused, and very clearly said, “Sir, Thank You For Your Service to Our Country.”  I have never in my life had anyone say such a thing to me, and I had no response other than to meekly say, “Thank you.”  For 37 years, in court or in a deposition, whenever I was questioning a veteran of our armed forces, I always would tell them, Thank You For Your Service to Our Country.

I have actually had several witnesses tear up when they were thanked for their service to our country.  Confession time:  I teared up when this stranger said to me, Thank You For Your Service to Our Country. 

I have written in The Merton Prayer: An Exercise in Authenticity that I have long suffered from “survivor’s guilt” since many of my high school friends were drafted, sent to Viet Nam, and were injured or killed, while my draft number was 363 out of 366, prompting my father to quip, “Son, those Viet Cong will have to invade Frankfort, Kentucky, before you would get called up into the army!”

My father’s true comment was funny at the time, but it never left my soul, and has fueled my constant awareness of survivor’s guilt.  As I look back on my life I have always felt a twinge of inadequacy, remorse, and – here is the real kicker – envy of those who went to Viet Nam or elsewhere in the military.  And it was this chance encounter with a veteran who said to me, Thank You For Your Service to Our Country, that allowed a decades-long pain to finally subside. 

My helping victims of childhood sex assault (often perpetrated by a family member), victims of medical negligence, victims of attorney malpractice, and the simple car accident and slip-and-fall victims whom I have dedicated my professional life to for over three decades, does indeed constitute “service to my country”!  I can honestly report that the envy, remorse, and inadequacy feelings for not having served in our nation’s military have now been replaced with pride for having stood in the trenches of despair with so many people in my legal career, seeking and often, but not always, succeeding in obtaining justice for hurting people. 

Thank you again sir, not only for your military service, but for the amazing encounter with me, a total stranger wearing a law school sweatshirt, which allowed healing in a raw part of my soul.  I cannot stop ruminating on and smiling about my own Service to Our Country.  The very next day a friend of mine told me that he had given my book on The Merton Prayer to his son who had witnessed a horrific suicide which he had tried, unsuccessfully, to prevent.  He and I both prayed that The Merton Prayer would bring some sense of healing for this traumatic experience. Thank you, God, as Merton prayed, that you will “never leave us to face our perils alone.”

And for me? I will never again feel any sense of failure for my “non-military” service when I sincerely, genuinely, and happily say to the next veteran who crosses my path, “Thank You For Your Service to Our Country.

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