Authenticity. Knowing myself. Lying to myself. One of the most powerful and shocking phrases in The Merton Prayer is this: Nor Do I Really Know Myself. When Merton published these incredibly vulnerable and authentic words in his 1958 book Thoughts in Solitude, bookstores did not have the shelves of “self-help” and “self-knowledge” books which they hold today!
“Knowing oneself” has become a very fertile cottage industry not at all limited to psychologists or mental health workers. How could Merton have foreseen such a widespread conundrum looming in our society? How exactly does a person “really know myself”? Every time I pray The Merton Prayer I pause and sometimes come to a full stop at this phrase. Nor Do I Really Know Myself! I truly want to know myself. But then again maybe I do NOT want to “really” know myself.
True self-knowledge always leads to an encounter with the God in whose image I am created; an encounter with the God who “knew me” in my mother’s womb per Jeremiah 1:5. But that omnipotent God did far more than that while I was in my mother’s womb—listen to what He told the prophet and what He wants each of us to hear: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart: I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” [Jeremiah 1:5 NIV]
Seriously God? Did you “appoint” me as a pastor for 10 years, a Bible College Instructor of Greek for 4 years, a hospital ombudsman for 6 years, and a plaintiff’s trial attorney for 38 years (and counting!)? I look backwards, and I honestly can say “Yes, thank you God for leading me each step of my life.” As with Jeremiah, I too have had seasons of fear – did I really try a three-week medical malpractice case with six expert witnesses, without a little fear?
Jeremiah cried out to God: “Alas, Sovereign Lord I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” And how did God reply? “Do not say, ‘I am too young’ – you must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you.” There it is! Regular readers of this blog saw this coming! The Merton Prayer in Jeremiah’s words – “I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone!”
If looking authentically at your true self causes fear and a little anxiety, well, maybe that is exactly what can lead to honest self-knowledge! I close with this quote from the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung –“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside – dreams. Who looks inside – awakens.” [Robin Sharma, The Monk who Sold his Ferari, HarperOne, 1998, p.40]. May the God of Jeremiah awaken each of us this week to true and authentic self-knowledge so that we no longer hiccup when we get to this phrase of The Merton Prayer – Nor Do I Really Know Myself!
Leave a comment, if you wish, regarding this post or how you discovered The Merton Prayer and why it is important to you.
You will find The Merton Prayer and more at https://themertonprayer.com/
[NOTE: If your organization, church, or school would like a workshop/presentation on The Merton Prayer please email me at TheMertonPrayer@gmail.com. I can Zoom all over the world and have done 90-minute, 3-hour, 5-hour, weekend, or five-day workshops/retreats.]
The Merton Prayer 