But What About You?

Greg Laurie, a recent biographer of Billy Graham, said that every single time he sat down to interview the 90-something-year-old Graham, after one or two questions he would hear Graham say, “But What About You?  It seemed to Laurie that Graham could not bear the discomfort of talking so much about oneself.         

Inevitably, Laurie would walk away from each interview session with precious material which would likely make it into the new book he was writing [Billy Graham: The Man I Knew (Salem Books, 2021)].  Just as inevitably, due to Graham’s constant probing Laurie for information about the author, he would always leave the interview sessions feeling that Graham had been interviewing him!

I have known people who could spend two hours at lunch with me and never once ask the question But What About You? And when I left those encounters, I felt empty, unknown, and not at all inclined to have a repeat session with that person. Knowing and being known.  That’s what relationships are all about, are they not?  A one-sided relationship usually withers and dies from “malnutrition.”

And what is the relationship “nutrition” which allows healthy connections with others?  The Apostle Paul laid down for Christ-followers the keys to relationships in his letter to the Philippians: “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.  Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (Philippians 2:3-4 NLT).  In other words, stop being arrogant and self-centered, and do what Billy Graham always did by seeking to know the other person instead of just focusing on oneself.  But What About You? should be our mantra whenever we are engaging with another person.  Every human has the imago Dei written all over them, in their fleshly and spiritual DNA.  Every person whom God brings across our path is someone worthy of our honor and respect, and But What About You? gets us in a position for authentic and honest connection.

Merton’s phrase“Nor do I really know myself” is the step-off-curb to enter the Philippians 2:3-4 highway.  Often when I recite The Merton Prayer and come to this phrase I just stop, horrified at the powerful truth and implication of those six words.  Focusing on excavating my true self from my omnipresent and seemingly omnipotent false self requires authentic honesty, the hallmark curriculum of The Merton Prayer.

As a trial lawyer, my professional “bread and butter” is asking questions of witnesses to discern their feelings, actions, beliefs, and background.  At times, family members have told me, “You are not conducting a deposition now so stop asking so many questions.”  Even with my comfort in asking questions to witnesses, when it comes to my personal relationships I have to work at focusing on learning about the other person rather than spouting off my ideas, philosophies, etc.

May you engage your significant others this week with humility, looking for chances to steer the conversation away from you with the question But What About You?

[NOTE:  If your organization, church, or school would like a workshop/presentation on The Merton Prayer please use the contact tab and let me know!  I can Zoom all over the world and have done 90-minute, 3-hour, 5-hour, weekend, or five-day workshops/retreats.]

Leave a comment, if you wish, regarding this post or how you found The Merton Prayer and why it is important to you.  Thanks for visiting http://www.TheMertonPrayer.com!