What Will Be My Last Thoughts?

Last week the world watched in horror as a very small submarine with five human explorers over two miles beneath the ocean surface was “lost.”  The news organizations maintained a constant count-down of how many hours of oxygen were available.  I confess to following this story with a certain amount of ghoulish and unpleasant curiosity:  the image of five people fighting each other for a life-saving breath of air is exactly the high-drama effect the news media sought.  It sure worked on me:  now, only 15 hours of oxygen left; now only 12 hours of oxygen left, etc.

But then we learned the most horrible news:  the submarine had imploded on the ocean floor right next to the ruins of The Titanic.  All five were killed instantly.  Pieces of the submarine were found on the ocean’s floor and none of the five bodies were recovered.  Sadness for the families of these five flooded my soul, but for some reason I kept thinking about what their last thoughts must have been.  Sheer utter panic? Disbelief? Calm resolutions?  Anger?  Helplessness? Hopefulness? Thoughts of eternity? Thoughts about God?

I next heard myself asking, “What Will Be My Last Thoughts?”   I ran through my memories of the people I – as their pastor – had been with for their last breath.  What did they think about in that nanosecond before they took their last breath?  I wondered about what my father was thinking when he took his last breath as his four children stood at his bedside.  Have you ever asked yourself What Will Be My Last Thoughts?

I would like my last thoughts to be noble, or at least focused on God, whom I hopefully will be meeting face to face very soon after that last breath.  Knowing my penchant for a snappy turn of phrase, I could hear some final thought samples like these: “Steven this is it, you are going to meet your Lord soon!  Don’t say anything stupid!” or “Come on God, I need more time on earth so I can finish another book which will honor you!” or “Here I come God, please let me in!” or “This is it; I am saying goodbye to my family and to earth!”

It was the above exercise of thinking through what I may say or think as my “final thoughts” before death that led me to realize that I can no more plan my final thoughts than I can fly to the moon!  Another phrase of The Merton Prayer grabs me right here: “Nor do I really know myself.”  To me, this is the most profound phrase of the amazing Merton Prayer, since honest reflection confirms its truth.  The publisher of my book, Greg Pierce, crafted the subtitle to the book, “An Exercise in Authenticity.”  Short, succinct, spot-on accurate.

We need only reflect on two scriptures to know that Merton’s words are confirmed by God’s words.  The Apostle Paul, in the most authentic self-assessment in Scripture, says,“I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it.  Instead, I do what I hate” [Romans 7:15, NLT] and the Prophet Jeremiah, who was quite the failure as a Prophet when compared to Isaiah, said in brutal self-honesty, “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.  Who really knows how bad it is?” [Jeremiah 17:9, NLT]

So, What Will Be My Last Thoughts? is something every one of us will face.  May God grant us peace around this as we strive better to know Him and to know ourselves!

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